For me, one of the most challenging parts of living in Tanzania isn't the heat. It isn't the language barrier or the currency exchange or even the indefinite power outages. What it is, really, is not being able to go anywhere by myself and, in effect, having to rely on other people to be able to do what I desire to do. Yes, there are some places I could venture myself, but most places are a little too far to travel solo. And when I think of going alone, I think about how I am, even slightly, lowering my safety level and I wonder if it's worth it. So far, no. Instead, I find something else to do and fight off disappointment because in-room entertainment is the order of the day (or night)--again.
What's difficult is not being able to go to a restaurant or a coffee shop when I feel like it. Or not being able to drop off fabric at the tailor down the street because there's no one to walk with me. Or not being able to go buy a T-frame for my bed's mosquito net because no one is available to accompany me in a bajaj to the next little town, perhaps a one-hour excursion start to finish. The "daily life" tasks that are dependent upon having another person around.
These last few days I've felt like a bit of a grump. Finally, now midweek, I've realized the reason why. There are a variety of emotions that go with it (disappointment, frustration, patience, grace), but I think I'm just a little bit sad that I'm so on my own in a place where that "lone" factor unfortunately results in a limited lifestyle.
Don't get me wrong. God has been blessing me countlessly with companionship and convenient opportunities to go and get things done. But what about when it stops being convenient? For me, I came into this experience knowing I would need others to help me, and I committed myself to helping fellow expats whenever and however I am called upon. It's not always about being willing and able. Here, I believe, it's about just being able.
Should I be asked, I will always accompany someone for a bajaj ride (or car ride) to the mall, to the grocery store, anywhere. I will always make plans with someone who seeks a partner (barring no previously arranged commitments), be it to go to a restaurant, a coffee shop, the tailor, the fruit duka, furniture hunting, whatever. I will offer my time and assistance because I am able.
What has been disappointing to me (and led to my recent case of the grumpies) is that I do not find such availability in the people around me.* Now, yes, people have their own lives, schedules, commitments. I am slowly growing mine. But such availability is not what I am referencing. By availability, I mean having the right combination of flexiblity and ability to help someone. I am available to the people around me. I am flexible and able to assist others, even when it's not convenient. Note "not convenient" doesn't necessarily equate to inconvenient. I'm not expecting people to inconvenience themselves. Living in a completely different country has enough inconveniences of its own. And I'm not expecting people to help me just because helped them. It just goes back to being able and being flexible.
Considering we're all pretty much in the same boat (eek, pardon the cliche), I am amazed at the situation I find myself in. We are all starting our new lives here (although some have been here a few years; adjustments are always on-going) and I see many of us building in various directions. God made us all so different, and yet we were all called here. I feel especially called to be out among the community and really connecting with native Tanzanians. I can honestly say that I am not totally fulfilled working at HOPAC. I absolutely love the school, the students and the staff, and I am happy I am here, but I know I am called to do more rural or poverty-based work. I see students in green and white uniforms walking from the school down the road and I get so excited to see them. What I felt in my heart while teaching at Nkoaranga Vocational Centre near Arusha is so different than what I feel here in Dar. I don't know if I can explain it yet, but I know that as I build my life here, I need to find a consistent way to connect to a native community. I am sure that will bring me much joy.
I also want to go out more and experience more culture around the city. I just want to experience more. Some people I have met are very content with a HOPAC-focused life. Some people use up all their time and energy with their job here. I want more than that. I am not here just for a job, and that is why I sometimes end up feeling frustrated, as I'm trying to fight off a stationary lifestyle. Today was an unexpectedly crazy day. I felt like all day I was going here and there and covered every inch of campus. Today was supposed to be my easy day. Today I was supposed to be free of teaching by 10:20 a.m. and spend the rest of the day grading. Didn't happen. But that is OK. And after work, when my right eye started being kinda fuzzy and was burning slightly, I said "yes" to a walking companion request. My tiredness and other ailment weren't so dire or important that I couldn't put forth the effort to meet someone else's needs. What are my time, effort and energy worth when it comes to lightening someone's load or easing someone's burden? The answer is in Matthew 7:12: "In everything do to others as you would have them do to you..."
LG
*This said, I have also met some of the most generous, exemplary people right here in Dar. There is no shortage of God's love in many of the people I have met, and I am thankful for them.
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