Less

    I am not less because I am different.
I am not less because my views vary from yours.
I am not less because my experiences are not like yours.
I am not less because my choices are not ones you would make.
    Or have had to make.
        Or will ever make.

    I am not less because I am different.
I am not less because my interests aren’t the same.
I am not less because my words don’t match yours.
I am not less because my path is its own.
    Exposed.
        Diverse.

    I am not less because I am different.
I am not less because I am outspoken.
I am not less because I appreciate dissemblance.
I am not less because of my appearance
    My dress
        And my makeup.

    I am not less because I am different.
I am not less because my beliefs are not symmetrical to yours.
I am not less because my relationships are intimate.
I am not less because I choose to live
    Openly
        And risk to learn.

    I am not less because I am different.
I am not
    Less
        Loved.

LG


This song came to mind just before I started writing.

Artist: Third Day
Album: Wherever You Are
Song: Carry My Cross

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0K_Ny_oUtL0

As long as I remember
I've been walking through the wilderness
Praying to the Father
And waiting for my time
I've come here with a mission
And soon I'll give my life for this world

I'm praying in the garden
And I'm looking for a miracle
I find the journey hard but
It's the reason I was born
Can this cup be passed on
Lord, I pray your will be done
In this world

So I'll carry my cross
And I'll carry the shame
To the end of the road
Through the struggle and pain
And I'll do it for love
No, it won't be in vain
Yes, I'll carry my cross
And I'll carry the shame

I feel like I'm alone here
And I'm treated like a criminal
The time has come for me now
Even though I've done no wrong
Father, please forgive them
They know not what they've done
In this world

Three more days and I'll be coming back again
Three more days and I'll be coming back again 

So I'll carry my cross
And I'll carry the shame
To the end of the road
Through the struggle and pain
And I'll do it for love
No, it won't be in vain
Yes, I'll carry my cross
And I'll carry the shame 

Oh, I'll carry my cross
And I'll carry the shame

Food (period)

We're on day three of 10-12 hour daytime power cuts. I'm not fed up with the no-power so much as I'm over being hungry, devoid of the strength/nourishment food provides because I can't cook anything. It's rough not having a working gas stove, really a basic necessity here, I think. At this point, our electric stove is probably only 25 percent useful. The consecutive day outages make me feel like I'm on a hunger strike I didn't sign up for.

I dream of salad bars, Chili's, Chipotle and, most recently, Apollo Burger (or, day I say, Al's Big Burger). Oh, to have calories in my stomach! Yes, I know there are people just outside my housing compound who are living on rice and beans or practically nothing. I know there are people right here, people I see as I walk outside, who are much hungrier I am. I know this. But it doesn't change the fact that I have a full-time teaching job to do and doing it with minimum nourishment is just not really working out for me. I feel like I can force myself to push through the extreme frustrations of a horrible Internet connection (or none at all). I can deal with the sauna that is my office when we are on generator at school and can’t use the air conditioner. I can get a grip on my workload that is seriously intense and slightly overwhelming right now. But the thing is, when running on a shortage of calories, these aspects of my life are just that much more challenging, when they were trying to begin with.

I am not complaining. These days I’m simply tired, weak, dizzy, unfocused, frazzled, slow. And I’m sharing why. I don’t have anywhere near an appropriate diet needed to overcome these things. Coming here, we all believed I would finally learn to cook because I’d be on my own and living where that’s predominantly the only food choice. (No fast food fixes and any real restaurant is at least 30 minutes away.) It’s March, and I’ve been here almost five and a half months. I have never cooked meat. Not once. Don’t get me wrong, I am a pasta-cooking queen now. Al dente is my special. And, of course, there’s always heating up a frozen chapati (kind of like naan) on the stove. Yet even chapatis have taken a back seat, since they don’t stay frozen in my freezer (thanks, power cuts) and when they’re not totally frozen they don’t cook right. Oh, to have chapati and cheese today. Yum. But I digress. I want to cook so badly here. I know that when I get back to the States, I will be a cooking machine. That’s because I may. I'll be allowed to. With elements refusing to let me cook here, it has only increased my desire to spend time in the kitchen. I bought some chicken breasts two days ago and must cook them today or else they’ll go bad for sure. I finally said “I’ve had it” and bought some meat to cook. Not the first time; the other meat purchases just never made it to pass because they spoiled before I had power available at time when I could cook them. Waste of money, waste of excitement, waste of food.

To be honest, I’m having trouble focusing on finishing this post. Kind of dizzy and should go eat an apple. Or two. Or five. I do have the option of going over to Jen and Heather’s next door to use their gas stove. I’ll try to take them up on that offer today. (Those chicken breasts will not go to waste!) It’s just not the same though, and it’s not all that convenient. I also have the wonderful help of our two house ladies, Esther and Jacki. Unfortunately, their work schedules at our home are on the days we are “scheduled” for daytime power outages. We practically never have power when they are here, so even they can’t cook for us. (One week, however, they did manage to coordinate the use of the oven at another house on the compound that uses a generator. They did it all on their own, and they made pizza for us. They are awesome.)

So I guess I’m looking forward to eating fruit. Lots and lots of fruit this week, as I will give Esther a shopping list on Tuesday for nanasi (pineapple), ndizi (banana) and tikiti maji (watermelon). What else is there to eat when you have no way to cook and everything spoils so fast? Fruit it is, but even that fare can only take me so far.

Laura